The best argument I ever had ended with both of us laughing at the same spreadsheet. We had been arguing past each other because the columns had different names. We weren’t enemies; we were out of sync.
I keep a structure now:
- Define terms. Five minutes max.
- Trade examples. One each.
- Name constraints. No shame, only reality.
- Propose the smallest test. End with a receipt.
sequenceDiagram
participant P as Product
participant E as Engineering
P->>E: Define terms
E->>P: Concrete example
P->>E: Constraint (deadline)
E->>P: Small test by Friday
This is not conflict avoidance. It is conflict harnessed. Obama’s gift was making a room believe work could be shared. Austen’s was revealing that the scene already contained the truth. Bourdain knew kitchens ran on receipts, not speeches. Orwell would have us ask: what does the sentence do.
If you adopt this posture, you will ship more and apologize less. The respect arrives baked in because the process makes mockery expensive and curiosity cheap. Out of that economy emerges the only kind of speed that lasts.